Stress, so much stress

I'm stressing. I know I shouldn't be, but I am and that's all there is to it. I do this every time I start a new job or make a big decision in my life.

I start by overanalyzing, quickly move on to perfectionism and end up in procrastination mode, all the while stressing about every little detail I have to deal with. It's not a good recipe, that I can tell you.

My current stress involves my new job. I love it--I know it's what I'm meant to do and I'm good at it. Problem is that I am still not completely comfortable with my workload yet; there are so many new tasks and processes I have to learn and I hate feeling like a beginner. Everyone has to start at the beginning, obviously, but I don't like to spend more than a day or two there. I'm a little overzealous in that way. I want to perfect everything the first time and never have to ask questions.

Which leads me to my perfectionism. I hate making mistakes, especially at work. I want them to think me perfectly efficient, hard-working and, well, perfect. Making mistakes just doesn't work for me, and that's pretty much what a beginner does. It doesn't help that my supervisor is the same way and expects perfection from me. I guess it's an editor thing--we're trying to turn a messy manuscript into a beautiful book sans errors of any kind.

So once I get into perfectionist mode, I hate making a mistake of any kind and therefore put off making any kind of decision that could possibly be wrong. I'm actually doing better at this aspect. I only allow myself to put it off for a moment or two before doing it even though I really don't feel like doing anything at that moment. I'm improving.

But I still stress about everything and I need to stop before I drive myself crazy. I think that once I get a little more comfortable with the whole situation, I'll start to calm down a bit. I always do, but for a few weeks when I'm really stressing, life is not pleasant.

It does help air out my frustrations. Maybe now that I'm recognizing the self-destructive pattern I'm in, I can combat it more easily. Probably not, but hey, it's a nice thought.

On a completely unrelated topic, I was downloading photos from our family birthday party last Thursday. My niece was born on my birthday 3 years ago and since then we just have a combined party for the both of us plus my dad, whose birthday is a week later. The first photo I want to share is of my niece, Kelly, who got a chef's outfit since she loves cooking and helping out in the kitchen. She's also decided that she has to make silly faces any time someone wants to take her picture. She's 3, what can I say.

The next priceless photo is of my dog, Frodo. (Yes, that is his name, and no, I did not name him.) The poor thing is confined to a cone at the moment because he won't stop biting a sore near his tail. Well, anytime Frodo feels he isn't getting enough attention, generally whenever my niece is around, he has to pick up something and carry it around like a prize. Often it's something he shouldn't have, so we have to chase him and get whatever it is back, thus getting him attention. Works like a charm. Anyway, on this day the object he decided to parade around was a party favor, hence the festive puppy, though he doesn't look in much of a party mood. I find it rather humorous, but I think a lot of odd things rather funny.