A mother's influence

What a beautiful day to be celebrating mothers. It feels like the earth is offering a beautiful present to those women who have done so much for humanity. Sitting in church, listening to so many people relate the lessons and experiences they've received from their own mothers, it makes me think of my own.

I guess you could say that I have two mothers (or mother figures) in my life. The first was my own mom. She was always such a caring soul, someone you could lean on for anything--she would always be there. From her I learned how to love and relate to people. Throughout her life she struggled with learning and education, but she never let any of her struggles stop her from sharing all she had with those she loved, or even with strangers, for that matter. She was the one who would scrimp and save so she could buy herself something nice only to spend the money on her children when they wanted anything. She is the person I think of when I hear people talk about a loving, caring mother.

I was only 16 when she was killed in a car accident. Although I know it was time for her to leave the earth when she did, it was still a tough age to lose the major feminine influence in my life. There were so many instances where I wished she would have been there, to offer comfort or to give advice: my first date, at graduation, when I moved away to college for the first time, my first heartbreak and all the small moments throughout, the tough decisions, where having the support of a loving mother would make all the difference. I've missed out on that. But often the memories of who she was and what she did for me would keep me going, even when it all seemed so hard.

Then 4 years after my mom died, my dad decided to marry again. This, more than my mom's death, has been a struggle for my family. Although my stepmom is a good woman, it is a trial to live with her. She is not an easy woman to love, and she does little to engender trust in her stepchildren.

But maybe I've learned a lot from her through my struggles to get along. Often I've had to hold my tongue and consider the consequences of my behavior toward her in regard to the family as a whole. She has little love for one of my brothers, and though he is difficult to live with, her attitude toward him only creates more conflict.

In the past 2 years that I've been living back at home, after being gone for so long, I have learned about patience and also about getting along with someone I never would have chosen as a friend myself. For a while we got along pretty well. It's been fairly strained as of late, but yesterday we had a nice conversation while sitting out on the back porch. I'm hoping that she is moving past whatever issues have caused her to be withdrawn and sullen recently. It will make the atmosphere at home that much better.

I can't say I would have chosen for things to work out as they have; I certainly would never have wished to lose my mother so early and have her replaced with someone I struggle to get along with. But I have become a stronger woman through my trials. I have learned independence, self-reliance, determination, patience, resilience and a host of other qualities that will carry me through life. I can positively say that I am who I am because of the influence of the women in my life, whether for good or for ill, and that is much to celebrate this Mothers Day.