Grrr...

I'm really frustrated and grumpy tonight, though I'm trying really hard not to be. It's difficult, though, when I was looking forward to having the day off and then I'm called in to work only to later find out that I have to work the rest of the week as well and just don't get a day off this week. Add to that the fact that while driving home it was snowing and every single person in front of me was moving at a snail's pace. Come on, we live in Utah. It snows, and yes, it is still winter. I was going well under the speed limit and still whipping past people. I guess some people are just terrified of driving in the snow at night, but I have to say, it's not that hard.

Okay, rant over. Sorry for that. I've just been frustrated because I really value my free time. I hate it when people infringe on the time I have to myself because I don't really get that much of it. Maybe more than some, but it is something I really treasure and don't take kindly when time I was expecting for myself it taken away.

What I wrote in my last post still holds true, I am trying to be more positive, but it seems like every time I make a resolution of that sort, it's always so much harder to keep it. I was feeling fine earlier this week and was in a fairly positive mood, but it seems like all my frustrations have exploded, or better yet imploded, on me today. Maybe because I was trying so hard to push all my negative thoughts to the side instead of dealing with them head on, they just ended up blowing up in my face.

I don't know what the answer is. Everything I try ends up failing, it seems, no matter how well placed my intentions and efforts are. What should I do? If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to hear them. I need some kind of help, but it seems like I've tried everything and nothing has yet to work.

Maybe I'm overreacting and everything will calm down later, but right now it feels like everything is just a mess. I just get so frustrated with the way things are going and I feel powerless to change them. That's why I've decided to go to Paris and why I've taken up knitting: I want something in my life that I am in control of so that I don't feel completely powerless and useless. I need something that makes me feel like I actually have a say in my life and am not just blowing on the winds of caprice.

I think I just need to relax a little tonight and go to bed. Hopefully I'll wake up feeling better in the morning. I couldn't possibly feel any worse than I do right now.