Hitting the road

I went for a drive this evening to clear my head and think a little of what's been happening in my life lately. I've been frustrated again, which is surprising. Me being frustrated isn't that surprising, it's the fact that I haven't been in a permanently frustrated stupor these past few weeks.

Normally I'm the kind of person who overanalyzes everything and freaks out over the simplest frustration, but this past little while I've actually been fairly level-headed, well, for myself that is. I still freak out more than many people, as seen by previous posts, but somehow I've been able to get through it all with a modicum of tranquility.

Today, however, I was back to my normal, freak-out-over-tiny-little-details-that-don't-really-matter self. Part of that is a backlog of small, little frustrations that have been building for a while and another part is just that I'm a woman and am very emotional at the moment. It happens to the best of us, but it usually happens to me when I've got so many things on my plate.

My job, for example, was going better this week. I wasn't nearly as frustrated as I had been earlier, but by the end of the endless week I was fried out. I was done. Add to that the frustration of not hearing back on second job interview for a position I really thought could have been mine. And then there is the lingering stress of my miserable love life (i.e. nonexistent, pathetic, dead and buried), along with stress at home. It was a recipe for disaster.

I'm fairly surprised that I didn't blow a gasket in front of my whole family earlier. I was fortunately able to hold it all in until I could get away this evening and think things through. There's just something about jumping in my car, turning off the radio and driving who knows where in utter silence that helps me to clear my jumbled brain. It's really what I needed tonight.

So I'm feeling much better now, not on the point of creating a scene anymore, which is definitely a good thing. I'm also a little more hopeful that everything will work itself out, something that was really bothering me earlier today. When I get stressed I tend to lose my hope, and without hope, nothing seems worth anything anymore. I need my hopes and dreams and goals to keep me going through the rough times. Sometimes it's all I have.