The real test of friendship

I hadn't realized how much I'd missed having really good guy friends around until I started hanging out with one friend I'd lost contact with for the past few months. We'd started texting again and decided to get a few of the old friends back together again to hang out. He'd recently gone through a rough breakup, so I think he was trying to reconnect with people he was comfortable with.

Thing is, I hang out once or twice a week (owing to my working nights) and often there are guys there, but no one I'd really connected with and could really talk to. I tend to be shy around guys I don't know very well and so it's hard for me to open up sometimes.

But with this friend, he and I have gotten along so well and I can talk to him about almost anything; things both serious and things that I think are hilarious even though other people may think they're dumb.

Now, I'm not attracted to him at all, but I hadn't realized how much I'd missed having a guy around who I could ask anything and be assured of an honest answer. I also missed how friendly he is, i.e. giving hugs and patting my leg while talking. It's something I haven't had in my life for a while, especially since I don't have a boyfriend or anyone I'm dating.

Basically, the point is that I need to surround myself with good friends I can trust and who I can talk to about anything or nothing. I have friends that I hang around with, but I don't really connect with them the same. I miss the days when I was in college and we would spend hours discussing history or religion or art or current events and no one would roll their eyes at me for being dumb. I'm just surrounded by nice people who don't understand me and who are so different from me I feel like I can't be myself for fear of being ridiculed.

No one should ever feel like that, and that's why I think I need to stop spending so much time with those friends and instead seek out those who will really understand me and love me for who I am and not just because I know how to have fun.

It's been too long since I felt like I really belonged in a group, much too long. And I need to change that, somehow.