Sometimes, I really don't know what I'm feeling. At times there are so many emotions coursing through my beleaguered brain that I can't separate one from the other. Then there are moments when I can't actually place a finger on what I feel. I'm in one of the latter moods at the moment.
It's not necessarily a bad feeling, more a curiosity on my part. Sometimes I seem to feel everything, but sometimes I feel almost nothing. Maybe I'm alone in this. I don't think so, but it's not something that is easily described, so most people don't try.
There's a lot about myself that I don't understand. After much emotional turmoil in my past, I've tried hard to figure out who I am. I've come to realize that I am one big ball of complexity. I can be gentle and kind, angry and explosive, shy and quiet, outgoing and emotive. Of all the people who should know me best, I often know the least.
I may never figure out all the little quirks and idiosyncrasies about myself, but at least I'm trying. An important part of my quest to figure myself out is my desire to like what I find. I don't always, but if I did I wouldn't be human.
There are things about myself that I'll never share with another human being because of fear or shame. But there are other parts of myself I wish everyone would come to know and love. I've come to look deep inside at all that is there: good, bad, painful, and beautiful. I still need to keep looking.
I've yet to figure out who I am at the core, but I feel good with what I've found so far. As Dr. Seuss says, it is better to be me than a can or a ham or even a bottle of jam.
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is you-er than you."
And that is a good thing. A very good thing.
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I'd love to hear what you think. Please keep in mind that disagreeing with kindness is much more productive than with rudeness. Besides, I like nice people.