Bed time

I feel bad--I've been neglecting my bloggie again. I do promise to be better, but for now it's well past my bedtime. I will say that the Harry Potter movie was good, and the fighting scenes at the end were especially spectacular. Ralph Fiennes does an amazing job as Voldemort, and all the other actors do excellent jobs. I think I'll like it better after I've seen it again. It's always the same with the movie version of a book I love--at first I'm upset that they left out all my favorite parts, but then on later viewing I start to like it for its own merits. I'm sure that'll be the case again. But for now, good night. I'm beat.

Something fun

I'll admit it, I take a lot of these quizzes because I think they're fun, but I don't post them because most people probably don't care. But I found one I think gets me somewhat accurately, and basically because I love the color green.

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it! The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What Color Is Your Aura?

About time

These past few Thursdays I just haven't felt like participating as I usually do in Thursday Thirteen. I'm sure I'll return to my normally scheduled programming next week, but for now I just want to blog about what's been going on today. (As a note, I really appreciate having a blog where I can dump all my thoughts and cares. It's wonderfully cathartic.)

Well, I continue to be frustrated living at home and am really anxious to find a place of my own. I realized while talking to my stepmom tonight (I wish my dad would stop telling her exactly what I say. It makes it so I don't want to confide in him because I don't trust him to keep it to himself.) that some of my frustrations aren't necessarily with her, per se, but with the situation. After having lived on my own for so many years, it's extremely difficult to go back home where people tell you what to do or expect you to abide by their rules. So, although I do bristle at the way she asks me to do things, that isn't all that I'm frustrated with. Just having someone expect me to do what they want is irritation enough for me.

It's more than time for me to strike out on my own again, but I finally have the means and the ways to accomplish that. I spoke again to the girl who wants to find a roommate. After the first place fell through, both she and I started looking for other places that would fit within our budgets. Tomorrow we're going to look at one of them. I really hope something works out, and soon. It'll be nice to have my life moving forward again instead of stagnating all the time. It's definitely time.

Bad (hair) karma

There are times where you think that things can't possibly get worse than they've been, and then you go to get your haircut.

Yeah, pretty much this is the ugliest haircut I've ever had. In my life. And I had some pretty bad hair back in the 80s. But this is, oh, so much worse. Think short, not long enough to be a bob, fluffy on top with just enough length on the bottom to give the slightest hint of a mullet. It's absolutely horrid, the kind of a hairstyle you'd see on a woman twice my age. It may be absolutely darling on someone else, but with my face it's all wrong.

I cried for a minute when I got home from having my hair slaughtered but got over it quickly enough. There's nothing I can do but bear it. I can't grin at this point. Maybe I'll forget about it and just do my hair enough in the mornings that I don't gag at the sight of it.

Normally my hairdresser does a great job, but there have been times in the past when I've wondered what she was thinking. Most of the time I've only wondered that when she styled my hair after the cut--the haircuts themselves have always been pretty good. But this time, there are no words to describe how sick I felt when I realized what direction she was going. What I was thinking, and what I thought I told her, was that I wanted to grow my hair out, so I needed more layers to keep it from being too bulky on the sides. We definitely weren't communicating because what I got didn't relate to my vision at all.

Truth be told, I'll probably have her cut my hair again because we've been friends for too many years to split over one lousy haircut. But I'm going to be more careful in my directions in the future. I'll have to come armed with pictures and a clear idea of what I want. No more free rein for her.

So for the next few weeks/months until it grows out again, I can kiss any dating goodbye. Great first impressions? So long, I'll be seeing you, hopefully sooner than later.

Determined

I want things to be easy in my life. That's what I want, but what I get is a completely different matter. Case in point: Today I talked to a nice girl (a friend of a friend) who is looking for a roommate. Perfect, I thought, and she even had a place in mind that was definitely within my budget. So she calls back just a few minutes ago to tell me the perfect place she had wanted to rent had been rented to someone else just 5 minutes before she called. It just wasn't meant to be.

I had thought, or at least really hoped, that once I made my decision to move out, things would fall into place so I could finally move forward with my life. I was wishing for the "beginner's luck" referenced in The Alchemist, for the universe to conspire to help me start on the path. But maybe I'm further along the path than I thought and the beginner's luck has already come and gone, leaving me with the frustrating middle of the road where I have to make hard decisions and wait and keep looking until something finally pans out. Or I could be jumping the gun a bit since I made my final decision a few short days ago.

Thing is, when I make a decision, I like to get moving and make things happen. I don't like to wait around, I don't want to be patient. I want things to work out how I want right now. No, I'm not a patient person, but I can also be determined, which I think is a good trait. Even though I tend to get frustrated, I keep working and working until I reach my goals. I don't give up. Ever. I can't remember a time when I've ever given up on anything that really mattered to me. I persevered until I finally accomplished what I set out to do. And honestly, rarely has anything ever been easy. I've had to work hard for everything I have.

I'm sure to find something, though it may take some time and some hard work to get there. Thinking about it, I tend to appreciate things the harder I have to work to get them, so maybe these little setbacks will only serve to make the situation sweeter was I finally get there.

Restless

I've been so restless these past few days. Every time I have free time, I can't think of anything I really want to do. Read? Meh. Watch a movie? Nothing sounds good. Play on the Internet? What would I look at?

Tonight, after going back and forth for a while on what I actually wanted to do, I finally decided to look at trailers for movies I wanted to see. Well, I spent the next few hours doing that, and then got sucked into looking at all the Harry Potter sites. I have to psych myself up since the movie's coming out this week and the book next week. That's one thing I can get excited about.

I just hope this apathetic phase moves on quickly.

On another, completely random tangent, I was thinking the other day about how whiny I must sound to people who read my blog. I complain a lot, though I never intend to. But I guess that's partly what blogs are for, at least what I use it for: to discuss what's going on in my life, whether it be good or bad. The fact that things weren't going so well for a few months and are starting to turn around now doesn't make me a completely negative person, or at least I hope not. I feel that things are starting to fall into place and the future is looking brighter, though there's still a way to go before everything will be all better. But it does help to have an outlet to vent. So if I come off sounding really whiny, sorry. Wait a bit and that, too, is bound to pass.

On family, haggis and throwing logs

Well, things aren't as bad now. My brother is staying with another brother and my dad says they talked on the phone, but it's probably better all around if he doesn't live here anymore. I also had a talk with my dad and stepmom. I understand a little more their perspective, though I still feel they both acted childishly during the whole blowout and could have handled it all better than they did. There's still a lot they need to learn, such as how to act like adults even when someone upsets you.


I also realized that it does no good trying to help my stepmom see where she needs to improve. She's too sensitive about anything resembling criticism, good or otherwise, so during her long lecture on why everyone needs to see things from her perspective, I nodded my head and didn't say a word. It wouldn't have accomplished anything. So I'm still planning to move out, if just for my own sanity, but now I have a little more time to find a good situation.

Moving on to happier things, my friends from work and I went to a Scottish festival today. We had so much fun, especially since it was four girls (and one blind date) having fun. No, the blind date this time wasn't mine, though I'm not sure what he thought about having a whole group of us there. I guess it all fits in with our habit of crashing dates. I just thought it was funny.

The first thing we did after getting there was to try ourselves some haggis. All of us were a little wary of eating anything that contained sheep brains, intestines and who knows what else, but it was a group dare, so we had to do it. I personally thought it was gross and didn't like the texture, as you can see at right. I'm not sure what it was, but something in there was really squishy. But at least now I can tell people I've eaten haggis. We were all brave today.

There were bagpipes and the caber toss, which involves men throwing 20 foot logs like at left, and henna tattoos and kilts, lots of kilts, and food and music, though we were too late for the dancing. There wasn't anything incredibly dramatic or intriguing, just the whole atmosphere of fun and doing something different. I was also happy that I could buy some more Celtic jewelry, which I absolutely adore. You can never have enough, I say.

It was an enjoyable day spent with friends, and more than makes up for the drama and hysterics of the past few days.