I used to think that to be successful, you have to live according to The Rules. These Rules can be anything as long as, according to your culture, this is How You Should Live. I tried so hard to have a happy, fulfilled life, but for some reason, I couldn't, at least not completely.
Then came a time when I realized I could actually abandon The Rules and be an even happier person. I'm not saying I abandoned my desire to succeed. Instead, I realized that what my society tells me is a good life is not what makes my life good.
Let me explain.
In the States, we are drilled with the importance of the College Education, Stable Career, Retirement Plan, Good Credit Score, Home Ownership, and the Nice Car. These are all hard and fast Rules for Good Middle Class Citizens. At least that's what we're trained to believe.
So I did that. I graduated from college, had a good (albeit low-paying) job, bought a dependable car, started my 401(k), and kept perfect credit. I should have been on the path to Success and Fulfillment. I wasn't. For whatever reason, my life felt missing.
People who Preach the Rules often mean well, trying to show a proven path to success and happiness. Meaning well is not the same as knowing better. For a long time, I thought it did. It's been so ingrained in me, this cultural Path to Happiness, that I feared deviating from it, that it would bring ruin if I did. Fortunately, though it felt very unfortunate at the time, something forced me off that path. I'm very glad it did.
As a child I dreamed of faraway places, of living as a world-traveler who doesn't need the stability of a Career with accompanying Retirement Plan to know that life is good. I dreamed of working hard at whatever I wanted and what suited me best in that moment. Those kinds of dreams are scary for most people. They imply Risk and The Unknown. People who believe in The Rules can be afraid of Failure, and thus, afraid to do anything to upset the balance that is central of The Rules. It's how it's done, after all. At least that how we're to believe it's supposed to be done.
People who Preach the Rules often mean well, trying to show a proven path to success and happiness. Meaning well is not the same as knowing better. For a long time, I thought it did. It's been so ingrained in me, this cultural Path to Happiness, that I feared deviating from it, that it would bring ruin if I did. Fortunately, though it felt very unfortunate at the time, something forced me off that path. I'm very glad it did.
As a child I dreamed of faraway places, of living as a world-traveler who doesn't need the stability of a Career with accompanying Retirement Plan to know that life is good. I dreamed of working hard at whatever I wanted and what suited me best in that moment. Those kinds of dreams are scary for most people. They imply Risk and The Unknown. People who believe in The Rules can be afraid of Failure, and thus, afraid to do anything to upset the balance that is central of The Rules. It's how it's done, after all. At least that how we're to believe it's supposed to be done.
Please don't infer anything about my thoughts on people who live according to the Rules. For those who find happiness within the structure, I cheer for them. Truly. I have many family members and friends who prescribe to these Rules and lead wonderful lives that bring them just what they need. I'm not speaking to them today. They have found what brings them fulfillment.
Instead, I address those who have tried to live as society says but still can't seem to find what it is that completes them. If they're ready—and in a position to take some very big risks, because the life of the dreamer can be incredibly risky—then I invite them to listen some more.
My life was forced off the path of Stability due to severe illness. To this day, many family members and friends think it was "all in my head," that illness involving stress and its sometimes severe consequences is due to some deficiency. People live the Rules and find Happiness from them every day. Why couldn't I?
I tried to explain then what I didn't even know yet, but even now they still don't understand. For them, the path was easy: Follow The Rules and contentment will undoubtedly follow. But it didn't.
I broke with The Rules at that moment, though I didn't know or realize it at the time. I chose a difficult path that held a lot of uncertainty. Still plenty of stress, but a much different kind. This was pressure placed on me because of my own desires to succeed, not my attempts to live up to someone else's expectations. That's what I always did when I had a Stable Job. I don't function well with a boss because I never feel like I'm at liberty to do what I think best; I'm always shackled by their expectations. While many people thrive in that kind of culture, I languished.
After I started breaking the Rules, something in me changed. I found a renewed passion in my life, something that had been quietly imprisoned while I whittled away at outside expectations. The moment my will touched freedom, I couldn't go back.
Instead, I address those who have tried to live as society says but still can't seem to find what it is that completes them. If they're ready—and in a position to take some very big risks, because the life of the dreamer can be incredibly risky—then I invite them to listen some more.
My life was forced off the path of Stability due to severe illness. To this day, many family members and friends think it was "all in my head," that illness involving stress and its sometimes severe consequences is due to some deficiency. People live the Rules and find Happiness from them every day. Why couldn't I?
I tried to explain then what I didn't even know yet, but even now they still don't understand. For them, the path was easy: Follow The Rules and contentment will undoubtedly follow. But it didn't.
I broke with The Rules at that moment, though I didn't know or realize it at the time. I chose a difficult path that held a lot of uncertainty. Still plenty of stress, but a much different kind. This was pressure placed on me because of my own desires to succeed, not my attempts to live up to someone else's expectations. That's what I always did when I had a Stable Job. I don't function well with a boss because I never feel like I'm at liberty to do what I think best; I'm always shackled by their expectations. While many people thrive in that kind of culture, I languished.
After I started breaking the Rules, something in me changed. I found a renewed passion in my life, something that had been quietly imprisoned while I whittled away at outside expectations. The moment my will touched freedom, I couldn't go back.
An unscripted life can be scary, but it can also be wild, exhilarating, and captivating. I'm ready to be captivated.
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