Is it worth it?

Today I received an email from Authonomy, the Harper Collins website where I have my book posted. No, it wasn't one of those emails, but some others had received some like that recently. It was to announce that three books from the site had been picked up by HC, one of which I love and know should be published.

The email left me elated for the writers, but after a bit, I felt a bit down as well. Why was that? Shouldn't I be excited for them? Shouldn't it give me hope that my own book will be published?

I've been sick with nausea the past 5 days, so I'll attribute my blues to that, but it really made me wonder if I can cut it as a writer.

Disclaimer: I know I'm still new to the whole novelist thing. I've been trying to get my book published seriously for a few weeks now. (I just finished writing the first draft in November.) So I have no excuses to be down about my writing prospects until I've walked uphill in the snow both ways to school, erm, I mean, submitted my book for years without a positive response. But even though I'm not one of the sorely tried veterans, I can still question myself, can't I? Isn't that part of being a great novelist?

So here it is: there are times where I really feel like I've written a great book. It's light, some may think it's a touch fluffy, but it's good all the same. It's not hard-hitting, in-your-face literary fiction. I write for teen girls. They like romance. At least I did when I was that age.

And my book has received good reviews from those who've read it. (Well, at least the beginning. It's hard getting people to read the whole thing.) So, why, then, am I feeling like I can't make it as a writer?

I think I'm finally realizing what an uphill battle this will probably be toward publication. I spent four years writing the manuscript and the past two months editing it. That editing will likely continue after I rest from it for a while, just so I can pick it up fresh later. I'm submitting it to contests. I'm starting to submit to agents. There's a lot of work involved, here, and it's already making me tired. Plus I've started working on a second book, so the process will just start all over again.

In addition to my full-time job of working as an editor, now I also have a full-time job writing and editing at night and on the weekends. I love it, don't get me wrong, but I never have a break, which is one big reason why I keep getting sick. I'll honestly push myself to the point of exhaustion because that's how I am. I've set deadlines for myself these next few months, and I plan to meet them.

What this all means (other than that I'm rambling again) is that I'll keep at it. I've had encouragement from readers and professionals alike. I know I can do this. My work is publishable, it is good. I just need to keep up confidence in myself, my work, and my dreams. I think I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while.