Oy, the heat

Really, must the weather show me so much disdain? All I want is for a lovely spring day with temperatures in the low 80s and instead I get cold and rain for weeks on end before falling into a steady stream of endless heat. I love the summer, really I do, but can't there possible be more than two seasons a year?

My body has really felt off with the seasons lately, though I'm not sure why. Every time I get ready to leave a building, I'm expecting it to be cold enough for me to wear a jacket. Then I walk into a blast of hot air and it takes me a moment to adjust. My brain and body expect one thing, but the world is something completely different.

Not unlike, well, almost everything in my life. I expect one thing, but really it's not that at all. When I was younger, all I wanted was the life of a happy single until I was at least 30. No husband or kids to slow me down. I wanted to jet around the world and be happy with the string of boyfriends I'd leave behind. (Never more than one at a time, though. I do have principles.)

Instead, at the rather young age of 27 all I long for is a home with a good husband and beautiful little children. Don't get me wrong, I still want to travel and see the world while having fun, but my idea of fun has changed slightly since my youth. Sometimes it's just not as much to be alone while seeing the world.

I've been places, seen things, experiences much, but I still don't feel like I belong anywhere. I'm getting closer, I think, and I look forward to this move I'm making. I really like the girls I'll be living with, and we get along so well. But it's still not my home.

That's really what I want. Home. Somewhere to belong. A place that is mine. Not just mine—a place for a family that I am a part of.

So in my mind, as I take each step in my life, it's like I'm walking outside expecting warmth and sunshine and summer, only to find that it's still winter and I'm cold and tired of being alone.

Well, at least the weather outside is nice and warm. I'll enjoy it while there's time. Soon enough the cold and snow will be back. But maybe—just maybe—I need to learn to enjoy whatever season of life I'm in, appreciate it for what it is. No use pining for fall when there's fun to be had in the sun.

That's more than enough philosophizing for one night. For now, adieu.